Michigan, Florida Secede from Union
NEAR EARTH NEWSWIRE – LANSING – Citing what state officials view as disenfranchisement executed by the presidential campaign of Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., the states of Michigan and Florida seceded from the union Thursday, declaring themselves part the independent nation “Clintonia.”
“For too long, the Tyrant Obama has worked to silence the citizens of two great states,” said Michigan Democratic governor Jennifer Granholm. “The people of Michigan spoke loud and clear when they overwhelmingly chose Sen. Clinton over Mike Gravel and ‘None of the Above,’ but the Tyrant Obama worked tirelessly to crush our electoral windpipes with the heel of his Bruno Magli shoes. Today we join our brothers and sisters in Florida as member states of the nation of Clintonia. The name is, of course, a coincidence.”
While Michigan’s path to secession was relatively smooth, Florida’s Republican governor Charlie Crist resisted moves to break from the United States, but was ousted in a coup by Democratic forces. Florida is currently under temporary martial law, maintained by guerilla forces overseen by Generalissimo Janet Reno.
Gov. Granholm also made appeals late Thursday to woo other states that have favored Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-N.Y., in the Democratic primaries such as California, New York, and Massachusetts. Secessionist forces hope to piece together a large nation-state that can compete economically and militarily with the remaining United States. As of this reporting, Pennsylvania governor Ed Rendell has not only given unsubtle hints that he intends his state to join the rebels, but sources inside Harrisburg indicate that Rendell is readying the state’s National Guard to invade New Mexico and assassinate its governor, Bill Richardson.
The Clinton campaign denied any involvement in the breakup of the union, but when probed for its official position on the matter, campaign surrogate James Carville said, “Well, heck, if some states wanna secede, let ‘em secede! Let the process play itself out! It’s good for the party! Seems to me it’s a positive thing for the people of these states to do what they want, but apparently Sen-a-tah Obama the Tyrant doesn’t want the will of the people to be expressed – ever! Maybe he’s listening to NPR a little too loudly to hear the cries of freedom! I mean, if he’s our party’s nominee, I will support him a thousand percent, but that is contingent on the state of my citizenship come election day, if you catch my drift, and I think you do.”
It is now presumed that Obama and Republican nominee Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., will battle for the presidency of the remaining United States, and all electoral math remains in a state of flux. While Clinton technically remains in the race for the Democratic nomination, she has been placed on the ballot for Clintonia’s general election.
Until today, Clinton was unopposed for the presidency of the fledgling and noncontiguous nation, until the surprising announcement today that she would be challenged by former Florida congresswoman Katherine Harris.
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April 25, 2008 at 4:48 pm
No big loss. I’m sure we’ll make up for it if McCain wins in November. He’ll probably push through legislation to bring on Iraq as a new state, followed by Iran (once we invade and conquer it.)
June 21, 2009 at 6:16 pm
Sounds like Obama to me
February 27, 2009 at 6:45 am
Smartest thing any of the 50 could do. This, The United States of Israel, has become a cesspool. Owned lock stock and politician by the Zionist Khazar Jew Money machine. And When they get the thought crime bills passed here as they did in Canada and Western Europe, They’re going to have their “Renfields” in our government throw us in their detention centers if we even whisper that the hallow’dcaust is a lie. Too Evil, too corrupt, too oppressive to the world and their own people, too Khazar Zionist, too owned by Israel to go on. Secede, put the wild beast down….it’s broken and doesn’t work for ANY one’s good save the 1.5% at the top.
April 3, 2009 at 9:54 pm
I agree with Pete. Secession is imminent. Too many asking for a handout, too many wanting ‘reparations’. No one wants to work. Tallahassee is in for an onrush. As the tide rushes for an explanation concerning taxation without representation. Don’t tread on me!