Bad Writing is the New Good, Part 2: The Intertubes ain’t the Only Place for Dump Trucks

A few weeks back I wrote a little tirade about some sloppy writing in a well-read tech blog. My ire was sparked mainly due to the fact that, unlike the vast majority of blogs, this person was being paid for his work. Let me extrapolate: he was being monetarily compensated, and therefore able to scratch a living on what we are supposed to assume is informed analysis.

Take a look at the original entry to see what I mean. It seems my rage was too narrowly focused. Surely, it’s no mystery that poor writing is epidemic, not at all limited to pixel form. Even words that get ink stains on your fingers can be rent horribly asunder.

In few areas is this more apparent than in the world of political opinion. Of course, no one would expect such “publications” as the New York Post to be paragons of prose, but again, the folks who do their reporting and opinionating are remunerated, I assume to a degree that allows them to pay rent and eat in New York City. Given that, one would hope that the level of analysis would rise beyond that of a kindergartener’s picture book.

One would have one’s hopes dashed.

Take a look at this piece on Clinton’s West Virginia victory from today’s New York Post. To save you a click and any browser window management, I’ll excerpt a bit.

With no hope of winning her party’s nomination, Hillary Rodham Clinton is running out the clock by laying the foundation for her political future, circa 2012.

As she seems to float in and out of reality on the campaign trail, it is so easy to dismiss her as delusional.

She is not.

For many years, the Clintons have dined on opponents who mistakenly dismissed them. As with her husband, there is always a method to her madness.

By sticking with it against all odds, Clinton becomes the patron saint of lost causes and never giving up.

It is no coincidence that Clinton chose a crucial swing state in which to fight her heart out against these insurmountable odds long after everyone had dismissed her.

After last night’s victory, she is free to quit.

Or she could see her way next week through Kentucky, which she’ll also win handily.

Or, she could sprint all the way to the end on June 3.

Whatever she does, her biggest accomplishment is what she did last night.

And Barack Obama proved fairly well last night he’s not likely to put West Virginia, a crucial state for Democrats, in play in November.

Do you notice anything?

You see, folks, if you write entirely in one-sentence paragraphs, your writing becomes more intense.

Get it?

It’s almost like a movie poster.

Clinton won a state.

Obama did not.

Anything can happen.

Moved, aren’t you? But wait, let’s boil this piece down to what it’s really about…

…wait.

I can’t boil it down. There’s nothing to boil. There is nothing, and I mean nothing, in this piece that

1. Tells us anything we don’t already know
2. Attempts to elaborate on any point made
3. Is good

This is just one example of the reams of paper wasted on like columns, pieces in which the obvious is double spaced into semi-formed paragraphs, essentially trying to pass off a day-old wire story as if it were analysis.

But wait, you say. Paul, your writing isn’t very good, either. Where do you get off?

Well, I have only one thing to say to that.

I am not being paid to do my writing, and by the way, you’re ugly and you have no friends.

So.

There.

P.S. That “excerpt” is roughly 75% of the enitre article.