Joe, Please Become a Republican

How can I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace?

Joe. Just do it. You know you want it.

Joe, we’re tortured. You crapped all over our president-elect, but you were our VP nominee eight years ago. Then you ran to be the guy to take on George W. Bush in 2004, only to become one of his biggest cheerleaders. You vote social issues like a Democrat, but you vote national security like a Republican. Then you got your ass handed to you by Connecticut Democrats, and electorally told them to go fuck themselves by running at the top of the Connecticut for Lieberman ticket. And you even think it would be a bad thing if Democrats, a designation by which you still refer to yourself, had 60 senators.

Joe, you tear us apart. In 2006, you had folks from one party not knowing who to campaign for! You, the incumbent semi-Democrat, or the actual Democratic nominee! Now we don’t know if we should boot you from the caucus or just take away your plum committee positions. What to do!

Please, put us out of our misery. Stop making this weird. Join the GOP. Do it officially, with gusto and joy. Vote for Mitch McConnell for minority leader. We won’t all understand at first, but we will. Eventually.

I know that is some Democrats’ worst fear, but really, it’s best for us. All of us. We can’t go on like this! Our hearts can’t take it.

Do the right thing, Joe. Rip off the band-aid so we can get on with our lives.